Meet Mr Corporate Creature
The following Meet Mr Corporate Creature articles are highlighted below this with a brief summary of each Corporate Creature. Note that all of these Corporate Creatures can be read on the publication for free.
Meet Mr Intellectual Property Theft.
Using clever techniques to violate company security, Mr Intellectual Property Theft is good at violating security in the company and stealing the intellectual property.
Never actually interested in a solution, but always willing to talk about a problem, Mr Endless Problems is a person you want to identify and restrict (and possibly terminate) quickly.
Mr Verbose Victim is extremely hard to spot early on, but comes with huge costs for companies in the long run. Mr Verbose Victim creates the facade of being a diligent employee initially while manufacturing a victim story that allows them to avoid work in the future. In addition, Mr Verbose Victim does not feel excited about accomplishment or work, but only feels excitement when people pity him. Finally, he can be one of the most difficult creatures to remove even once he's been spotted.
Mr Wait-What can be found confusing meetings with irrelevant comments that reflect he wasn't paying attention or staying 30 minutes on a call that already ended because he only joined to look at if he was present.
Mr Hysterical Hype thinks dismissively about the problems your company faces and is focused on the latest trends that have a future. He seems to know what the future will look like but can never elucidate how these trends solve the problems faced in your business.
Mr TikTok Time doesn't care about your company or working to obtain results for your company. Mr TikTok Time cares only about how his position in your company is worthy of telling everyone he knows so that he can boast about how great his job is, even if he literally does nothing that gets results for the company.
Mr Gimme-More does not understand how to sense a business cycle or business challenges. When a company faces turmoil, Mr Gimme-More will use this challenge as proof that the company needs to do more for their employees. Rather than sense the challenge or why the company's approach to clients may be wrong, Mr Gimme-More does not actively listen - they believe that companies exist to nurture their every need.
Mr Frequent Failure embraces his failures as badges of honor and leads his team into one failed idea after another.
Mr Imperious Imposter loves to talk about his struggle with imposter's syndrome - how he spent so much time feeling like he had no skill, but finally realized he was a top performer. Solving problems for clients doesn't excite Mr Imperious Imposter, but inner self realizations and pop psychology inflame his eyes with passion.
Mr Careful Converser avoids communicating clearly and always protects his words by using protective language. His passive aggressive nature wants to avoid conflict while stirring it up at the same time. He prefers subtle manipulation if he can get away with it over direct communication and transparency. As we'll see, he's not the costliest of corporate creatures, but he can create confusion in your company.
Mr Meet Mr Confidential Culprit loves to converse about information that violates confidential agreements. He sees little value in privacy and confidentiality because gossip is more fun in his eyes. His secret passion is making everyone feel close to him while he undermines everyone’s trust in everyone else.
Mr Podcast Professor lacks focus and embraces distraction under the guise that he's multi-tasking his work. He loves to emphasize that his multi-tasking makes his work fun and it makes him better at it. Over time we actually see a corporate creature who adds costs to the company because his multi-tasking is actually a lack of attention and focus. We don't get solutions that help our company achieve disproportionate results, but quick fixes that lead to later trouble.
Mr Challenge Changer loves to update objectives to something entirely different, or swap an entire approach to a problem. As time passes, it becomes clear that he's actually unsure of everything and he's using new ideas or technology to really hide his ignorance. He ultimately dreads cultivating the diligence to understand a problem and actually develop a solution.
Mr Gullible Gambler doesn't want to become a top performer at your company. He gambles away his future on get-rich-quick-schemes or dreams of early retirement. His vision reveals a lack of work ethic and skill. While he may get work done in the short term, his lack of desire to commit to skill or growth means that he never is capable of moving forward in his career. In addition, he'd rather gamble money on financial instruments than actually grow in his career.
Mr Languid Latency masquerades his incompetence and laziness and diligence and work. He can spend years fooling everyone into think he’s working hard when in reality, he’s extracting time and resources without results.